Original script by Nick Gustafson
and Bill Waddell & Craig Webster

(fade in) SCENE #1: (Ancient highlands of the Waddell clan, northern Scotland) WULLIE Aye.. this will be the best haggis ever.. (enter Wullie's dad Angus Waddell) ANGUS Aye, Wullie. Wha'the hell are you doing you bastard. WULLIE Aye dad. I'm filling this wee sheep's stomach. Is haggis. ANGUS That's na haggis you bastard. Real haggis should be thick enough to stand on. WULLIE An' taste like it dad. ANGUS You ney be getting smart with me you left-handed bastard. Aye'll beat it out of you!!
(enter Gus Cameron, Wullie's friend) GUS Aye Wullie, we've got to be going. ANGUS Where are ye going ye bastard? Get back here you stupid ass!! WULLIE Aye Dad. You senile old bastard. What the hell do ye want, I've got a football match to go to. ANGUS Everybody is going there? WULLIE No. ANGUS Why are they going there? WULLIE Because we bought tickets. ANGUS (sighs) Obviously, ye bought tickets you left-handed bastard. (Hag utters mindless nonsense that distracts Angus. Wullie and Gus sneak away) ANGUS Aye, Wullie come back, Wullie come back.. Bastard!! (Angus is subsequently killed in a bizarre highland dancing accident)
SCENE #2: (Modern day Toronto*. The Royal Ontario Museum. A display on the ancient Scots of which the corpse of Angus Waddell is a part) CURATOR Hmm... this is a rare find. This body is almost perfectly preserved. Save for the way in which his internal organs have been mangled in some sort of bizarre highland dancing accident.... AMERICAN What in th'hell you doing there boy? CURATOR Please, go away, this is very delicate work. (the American encroaches upon Curator's examination of the remains) AMERICAN I done never seen no one bein' so rude to me. Lehme take a look now at what chur doing. (the American accidentally spills his noxious beverage upon the corpse of Angus Waddell) (the body begins to stir as it reinvigorated by the alcohol) ANGUS Aye! Aye! 'Tis a bony liquid, but tis not oatmeal. CURATOR What in the world?! ANGUS Aye,where's my son?! Where is the bastard? AMERICAN Hell? CURATOR Just get out of here you redneck. Can't you see this poor fellow is confused and disoriented from his long slumber. Hey, I think I can write a paper on... ANGUS Ye bastards, get out my way!! (Angus shoots them with American's gun)
(*note this film takes place three years after the events in Gore High II) SCENE #3: (Angus walks out into the streets of modern Toronto) ANGUS What is that smell? Tis foul, aye, what have these bastards done to the wee fragile planet. (cab drives by spewing terrible amounts of carbon dioxide. The driver smoking big Cuban cigar) DRIVER Hey asshole, you want a drive? ANGUS What the hell is your problem ye bastard? (thinks for a moment) Well, It's awfully crowded here, I hope that Malthus isn't right on his predictions, Ah well I'll do the earth a favour. (Angus shoots at everything in sight.) SCENE #4: (In the park, later on that day, Angus sees someone vandalizing a Scottish memorial with Aerosol spray cans) ANGUS What are you doing there?, eh? VANDAL #1 Shut up you highland dancing, haggis eating, kilt wearing fairy ANGUS Eh? VANDAL #2 OH, yeah. Rod Stewart Sucks too! (Angus in a rage) ANGUS So you like using aerosol cans and making holes in Ozone layer, well how would you like it if you had holes put in you? Lets see about that? VANDAL #1 and VANDAL #2 {scream) SCENE #5: (Angus makes his way down to the lakeshore) ANGUS Aye. This lake is so calming. My urge to kill is disappearing. (Angus sees fish in the water) ANGUS The wee fishes, aye... they're dead. They're all dead. Their wee eyes.... MIKE (laughing) That fish is stupid. (Mike flicks away his cig into the lake) MIKE See ya later cig. ANGUS Eh? So you think its okay to pollute the water and yuir lungs, eh? MIKE Yeah. Shutup. (Angus grabs Mike, plunges toxic water down his throat) ANGUS Bottoms up (Mike screams) SCENE #6: (Angus at the Family Style Eating Buffet) ANGUS Hey. You there boy, I'd like some service. BOY Can I help you sir? ANGUS Aye, as a matter of a fact, you can. What items are on today's special BOY Haggis, In salute to Scotland ANGUS Aye, that sounds delightful, get me two of them now, dinna make me break me foot off in yuir ass. BOY Would you like fries with that? ANGUS Hurry up ya, stupid ass BOY (Sighs) ANGUS (walks around surveying what is to eat and sees people taking more than they could consume) (Angus approaches) ANGUS Do you realize you bastards are consuming more than your fair share of the Earth's finite resources? PATRON gmfhdkmd (chewing) shu-what? ANGUS Gluttony is one of the cardinal sins!!! (reaches for serving spoons and rams down person's throat) (carves the entrails of the rest of the buffet's patrons) SCENE #7: (Angus walks back out into the street, and views the pollution spewing out of a giant smoke stack) ANGUS Aye, what the hell? Aye can feel the planet's temperature rising by fractions of degrees Celsius. The ice caps are melting. (Angus makes his way to the bottle cap factory) ANGUS Ye've nae using resources in a sustainable manner. What the hell is wrong with you polluting bastards?! OWNER Hey, this is progress. If we want to be ready for the twenty-first century, we must use all of this in a responsible manner... ANGUS Eh? Pardon? This is nae responsible. Ye canna continue to consume minerals in this manner.. OWNER ..in order to get the best possible profit. ANGUS So ye like heating up the planet with yuir greenhouse gases? Aye'll make it hot for ye!! (Angus grabs a flame-thrower and incinerates the owner) ANGUS Aye... there's a greater force behind this. (Angus regards a discarded newspaper) ANGUS Aye. Aye know whose responsible for this.... SCENE #8 (Mike Harris' favourite golf course, in Toronto) MIKE HARRIS (laughs) What a wonderful day. Now that I've shipped away all those burdens to the welfare system, killed off the sick by closing the hospitals, merged every municipality together as one, and improved the education system so as it's so challenging no one graduates, all while giving a 75% tax cut. I am feeling fine, even if I must occasionally use the OPP to stop massive riots and assassination attempts, I'm certain they only represent a small portion of the population. AIDE Hey Harris! You'd better get out of here, I've heard there's some mad scotsman gunning for you.. MIKE HARRIS I have a mandate here, and I'm not listening. No body tells Mike Harris what to do, no matter how many there are or how correct they might be. I don't bow down to special interests. AIDE (sigh) ANGUS If ye had any common sense ye bastard, ye'd have stayed out of politics!! I've got yer cutbacks right here!! (Angus shoots the Premier, aide and passersby) SCENE #9: (The factory) (Angus is busily highland dancing) ANGUS (sings Rod Stewart) ... if you think I'm sexy and you want my body, c'mon baby let me know... (two unknown individuals run up and strike him in the back.) ASSASSIN #1 We got him!! ASSASSIN #2 We've been chasing him for days. ASSASSIN #1 He will never threaten anyone again. END (roll credits)

CAST